he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
I don't deserve a penis
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
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