At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
Randomize
