He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
