I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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