How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
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