My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
