I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Less talking, more tequila
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
