and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
