Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
I like my sex mixed with concussions.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
