you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Randomize
