You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
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