I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Randomize
