I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
nutella sex= disaster
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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