Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
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