end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
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