its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Randomize
