I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Randomize
