Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Randomize
