god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Randomize
