I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
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