sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
