yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
