Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
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