Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
That's how pantless uber rides happen
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
