I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
Someone shattered a urinal.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Randomize
