I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
She's the barista slut.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
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