I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Randomize
