Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
