A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
