Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
