He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
