The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
