The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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