Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
Randomize
