help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Randomize
