This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
