So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Randomize
