First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Randomize
