Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
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