my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I just want to make out with him forever
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
