Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
