i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Randomize
