You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize
