obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
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