she kept yelling 'call me bella'
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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