The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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