took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
