i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
