I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Randomize
