Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
