i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Randomize
