What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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