When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
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