i already hear my dad disowning me
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
