Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
